It's Okay to be Nervous

"Tiny Bit" has arrived. Not to be confused with Katy Jo, who will always be our "Little Bit," her little sister Annabelle Joy was born at 8:10 AM this past Monday. After my complicated delivery with Katy Jo, I opted for the C-section. The day my labor started with our first, I was totally not nervous or scared. I've heard this is normal for first-timers, considering you are clueless to the pain. With this one, I too was not nervous at first. I was anxious to meet her of course and couldn't wait to see her face, deciding in an instant who she looked like (as a side note, I haven't figured that out yet). We checked into the hospital at 5 AM after getting up in time to do my hair, put on a little mascara and then wait around for Bo to get his stuff together and grab coffee. I was calm, determined and, despite being sad that Katy Jo was losing her title as "the baby," I was very excited to hold another little preciousness.

It didn't take long for my nerves to get to me. As soon as the nurse stuck me and I knew she missed, I was tense. She continued searching around for my vein, while complaining that it was rolling. I know I have perfectly good veins and I could have gotten an IV started on myself quicker than she did. During this procedure, she went on to tell me that I seemed nervous and needed to relax. Not cool. Mental note for when I return to work: patients are very much allowed to be nervous in the moments before their belly is sliced open.

We did manage to get IV access and it was soon after this I was escorted to the OR. I knew the drill. I knew exactly what to do and how to do it best to make everyone else's job easy. I dropped my shoulders and arched my back like a cat as I sat completely still, focusing on my breathing as the spinal went in. Thank goodness it was a good epidural! Still, I had never felt my legs become huge heavy logs that I could not control. The anesthesiologist said I was numb as driftwood. It was an overwhelmingly scary feeling when the heaviness crept up, and I was nervous again that I wouldn't be able to breath. You lay there, with everything strapped down, an oxygen mask over your nose and mouth, and all you can do is stare at the ceiling. No, they don't have cute picturesque light fixtures or anything like they do at the dentist's office. I'm not sure why. I must have asked the doctor a million times if she had tested yet. I trusted her fully, but was scared out of my mind that I would be able to feel the first incision and no one would listen to me. I could very much feel the Foley catheter insertion as well as Dr. Rutter's hands and she felt the baby's position one final time. Finally, they did do the clamp pinch test and I was so numb I didn't even know it.

The surgery was well under way, when Bo was given permission to come join me. I was so relieved to see him and have someone there to catch my falling tears. It must have been about ten minutes later, I felt them push up top and retrieve my new little one. Dr. Rutter flashed her before us on her way to the pediatrician. My second baby did not look like my first one. She had the same dark hair and little button nose, but that was it. She was her own little perfect person. And I wasn't nervous anymore.